I’m suffering a very slow internet connection. At times, just loading my emails seems to take forever. I wanted to upload a few clips and an episode of the vlog, but decided to postpone it all. I was half-forced to take a day off yesterday, and it feels as if I have wasted a lot of opportunities. We’re in New Orleans. We were supposed to be out there finding musicians and meeting more improvisers and learn from them. Now that I stop to reflect these words come back to mind: ‘Relax your crack and don’t be the asshole.’ dixit Susan Messing.
Our time in Chicago was amazing. Every single meeting we have had gave us that extra boost in confidence. I don’t usually hug people (some of my friends used to joke that I’m allergic to hugs). I have had people I do not know hug me and that love slowly transformed into fearlessness. I realise that the ‘stress’ I felt this morning comes from my ambitions, from what this documentary is supposed to become and that is directly related to my fears. I want to be in a safe place, now and in the future, and that need for safety is transformed into attempted control, dixit Rance Rizzutto.