Did I ever tell you how scared I was about making this Improvised Documentary on Improvisation? Exactly a month ago, I woke up, looked around me, saw all the equipment I had purchased, my flight details to the US and the state of my bank account… I put my hands to my head and exclaimed: “F@*%! What have I done?!?!” I was both petrified and excited. A month later, the excitement persists.
I was afraid. I was afraid nobody would want to interact with the idea. I was afraid I would look silly trying to talk people I did not know into joining this, and to tell them I had no idea what would become of the project. I was afraid that I was simply throwing money out of the window. I was afraid everything would go wrong. I was almost petrified, there at the edge, but luckily I had already lost my balance and there was nothing I could hang on to. I had already dragged other people with me and started falling, faster and faster and started to feel the excitement again.
I was excited. I was excited of finally doing what I love, of following one of my ideas to an extent I had never done before. I was excited to be in contact with people who were simply getting ‘it’. Experience after experience, meeting after meeting, the excitement intensified but I was getting calmer and calmer at the same time. I started to find in myself the capacity to stop, watch and listen, to take it all in and realise how ‘lucky’ I am.
I was supposed to keep everyone updated, to record more VLOGs, to use social media to generate the buzz, exploit every single opportunity to hopefully gather the attention needed for this documentary to grow into something special. Then it hit me, it was already something special. All the people I have met were special. The way they opened their heart to my questions and opened their art to our cameras. We were searching for something that goes beyond improvised artistic expression, and we kept finding it. Sorry I forgot about you, but I was in the ‘zone’. That place we go to when we improvise.
We’re almost done shooting, at least for now, at least for this. We have left sunny Los Angeles and are spending a couple of days in New Jersey. We have a couple of encounters left before we fly back ‘home’ to Europe. I wish I could have continued West instead of coming ‘back’, explored other countries, explored other minds and other perspectives.
I have not touched the ground yet, I am still falling, and will continue to fall for the next few months, at least. The process is far from finished, and I look forward to continuing sharing it with you and revealing some of the details. I don’t know whether I will crash, whether I will find a trampoline at the bottom or whether I will simply keep flying… and it does not matter. I am grateful, to all of you have been my counsellors, my guides, my therapists, my wind… my friends.
As Stephen Kalinich puts it: “Everybody got one, but they don’t know what it is.” Keep exploring it and I wish you to never figure it out.